Daily Jokes
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Daily jokes
Next update: 05/18/2008
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- PenisBot's Daily Jokes
- Q: why do blondes have periods?
A: they deserve them - If a man and a woman get married in Texas and move to Washington are they still brother and sister?
- Q: what do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: they both have black roots. - A hot babe goes into a bar and orders a 'sex on the beach'. She notices a slick dude at the end of the bar with a very prominent feature.
"Hi big guy," she says, batting her eyelashes.
"Oh hello, beautiful," he says stepping closer to her.
"I couldn't help but notice what big feet you have," as a look of wonderment spreads across her face.
"You know what that means..." he coos.
"Yes, trouble for the ants," she says. - How many Arkansas policemen does it take to screw in a light bulb?
None, Clinton does all the screwing! - "So would I," quipped the blonde, "but you know, there just isn't time enough during a coffee break."
- Q: what is the difference between a blonde and the grand old duke of York?
A: the grand old duke of york only 'had' 10000 men. - Q: how do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: tell her she's pregnant. - A blonde was in Vegas vacationing with friends. She was standing in front of the candy machine and put two coins in, turned the knob and a candy bar fell out.
She picked up the candy bar and put it in her pocket, then she proceeded to put two more coins into the slot and turned the knob, again a candy bar fell out and she put it in her pocket.
She put two more coins into the machine and again turned the knob producing yet another candy bar.
A man was watching from a short distance away and walked up to her. He said, "Excuse me Miss? What are you doing?"
She said, "Duh! I'm winning here!" - Q: what do a blonde and presdient gorbachev have in common?
A: they both got fucked by 10 men whilst on holiday.
05/16/2008
- Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A. Not everyone has been in a 747? - Did you hear about the blonde who locked her keys in the car? It took her an hour to get her family out of the car.
- Mrs. Cleaver went to the door of the Beaver's room, and said, "It's pretty quiet in there, what are you boys doing?"
The Beav's brother Wally said, "Aaaaaaaaw, Gee, Mom, I'm just eating peanuts!"
So Mrs. Cleaver said, "Beav, are you in there? What are you doing?"
The Beaver said, "Jeepers mom, just eating peanuts like Wally!"
So Mrs. Cleaver said, "Is that Eddie? What are you doing in there, Eddie?"
Eddie said, "Uh, hi Mrs.Cleaver. I'm just eating peanuts with Wally and the Beaver here!"
So Mrs. Cleaver said, "Well, you boys come on out. You've got to clean the garage before your father gets home."
So, out come the boys, followed by a girl who is adjusting her dress.
Mrs. Cleaver says to the girl, "Well I don't think I've met you! What's your name?"
The girl says, "Well, my real name's Sally but my friends all call me 'Peanuts'!" - You know you're old when you refer to your waterbed as the dead sea.
- Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of estrogen. To prove their theory, they fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive...
- Why was the Blonde's bellybutton bruised?
Her husband was a blonde too! - There were these two guys at the pub, and one guy said to the other, "Let's go downtown and get a couple of girls!" So they went downtown that night, but the girls they found thought they were sleazy and decided to play a trick on them by slipping out and sticking blow-up dolls in the beds.
The next morning one of the guys said, "I think my girl was dead, because she didn't grunt or groan when we were having sex last night." The other guy said, "I think my girl was a witch, because when I bit her on the tit she hissed and flew away...." - What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have
in common?
They both have a black box - Why do women rub their eyes in the morning?
Because they don't have any balls to scratch! - A cowboy was riding through an old abandoned canyon trail when he was captured by a group of ruthless banditos, intent on killing him. But in their drunkenness, they decided to go easy on him and grant him three requests. For his first, he asked for his horse. He whispered something to his horse, who then rode off and returned with a beautiful woman, with whom the cowboy spent the night. The same thing happened the second day. But when the horse returned on the third day with another woman, the cowboy lost his temper and yelled "You stupid horse! I said POSSE!" 05/15/2008
- On the first day of college, the dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules:
"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you $180. Are there any questions?"
"How much for a season pass?" - A cowboy walked into a barber shop, sat on the barber's chair and said, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine." The barber began to lather his face and sharpen the old straight edge while a woman with the biggest, firmest, most beautiful breasts that he had ever seen knelt down and began to shine his shoes.
The cowboy said, "Young lady, you and I should go and spend some time in a hotel room."
She replied, "I'm married and my husband wouldn't like that.
The cowboy said, "Tell him you're working overtime and I'll pay you the difference."
She said, "You tell him. He is the one shaving you." - How does a blonde turn the light on after
sex?
She opens the door. - Q: why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini
Skirts?
A: cause their balls show! - One day at the rest home, an old man and woman are talking. Out of nowhere the woman says, "I can guess your age."
The man doesn't believe her, but tells her to go ahead and try.
"Pull down your pants," she says.
He doesn't understand but does it anyway. She inspects his rear end for a few minutes and then says, "You're 84 years old."
"That's amazing," the man says. "How did you know?"
"You told me yesterday." - Q: what do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: the back of her head. - Q: What did Clinton say when asked if he had used protection?
A: "Sure, there was a guard standing right outside the door." - This guy and his girlfriend were going at it hot and heavy in the backseat of his car. A knock was heard on the window and there stood a cop. The guy got out, shaking like a leaf. The cop said that he wouldn't arrest him if he could be next.
The guy got back in the car and finished with his girlfriend. When he got out again, he was still shaking like a leaf. The cop said there was no reason to be scared, because he wouldn't arrest him if he could be next. The guy said 'I'm not afraid that you'll arrest me, it's just that I've never done it with a cop before!" - Yo mama's so fat, after sex she smokes ham.
- What's long, hard, and full of seamen?
A submarine!
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